Flying.

Sweat, Thats the sign of hard work accomplished. Well we've been practicing for about a week in a half for the DBA Olypics yet we think we have everything finished we only have parts we don't have the whole dance. But you know what 09 & 10 we own it Friday. And thanks for picking Orange, now we have to have halloween a few weeks earlier. My mom is leaving soon, but for some reason i feel like she's not going anymore. Honestly, if she doesn't depart my whole "plans" are ruined. I know that its wrong to do things without her permission, but we're young we should live it up. I've been breaking out alot =/ Poor me, I know I seriously don't understand, then I get even more stressed. My grades are making everything worse. I am not stupid, I do try I do work. I try my hardest. Yet, I still don't get the material. I feel like this year just got really hard. I know I should be asking for help, but I've been so busy lately I can't even help myself. I don't even have time to breathe. I think having a boyfriend is taking up most of my time. I talk to him all the time, well as much as I can. Its not easy having a long distance relationship especially when I only get to see him once every week or every two weeks. Sometimes it can lead to months, but we hope it doesn't go that far. I'm walking through glass getting scars that won't seem to heal and its just getting more and more infected as I begin to walk this path. I'm seriously stressing, I can feel it hurt. I know this might sound "emo" but thats how it is. Thats how I feel. Sometimes, I know little things get to me my boyfriend hates how my ears listen to people always putting me down, yet I don't see it. I don't think that way anymore. If I could choose to be Numb, I would. But going that way, it just proves how not strong you are just seriously not feeling anything. Knowing you can take the easy way out. I'm not gonna break. I have people to help mend, today I love my bboys, my brothers, One Night Stand. I know that they're always there. Thanks, for the gift bros honestly sorry I take crap but I'm blessed that they're here. Words are in a ramble and my mind is seriously turning into a crack egg. I need to work harder, I just need to. After this week, I'm telling myself. Then Homecoming comes again =/ Oh man. I know that I should be happy like I get to spend it with my boyfriend, a night for us. Yet, I'm still iffy about even having one. Maybe, I'm just letting everything get to me. I don't want to lose someone whose been there, and has already seen me at my lowest but he hasn't seen me at my worse. I pray, that he doesn't see me at my worse right now. I can't let him take it, and I can't let myself put me at my worse. My smile is still there, my eyes are still big, my breaking skills are still legit, my talents are still alive. But my heart isn't healthy. My spirit isn't lifting, My faith is slowly dropping, My hopes are getting crushed, Flaking, has been a habit to me. Schedules has been screwing me over, I know I can't stop the bad things from happening, but I can sure not let them get to me. Its life, Life isn't so difficult, unless you make it. But I'm making mine so painful as I begin to fill my mind with lies and stress that shouldn't even matter to me. I wish flying, was something that could happen. I wish flying without airplane wings, flying without jet wings, flying without wings, just soaring. I know this is pretty fruitcaked, but I wish I could fly. I would fly to see my dad, fly to see the stars, fly to go on the mountains, fly to the love of my life. That was pretty random. And so is everything else that's been happening. I just don't think anyone will understand. And I can't make them, I can't get mad cuz they can't give me the answers. But, I look up the sky, and
the sky still and always looks down at me. I guess, I can fly when I'm with him. I haven't loss faith entirely, I've just been lost.


You have those sour patch days, but your gifted with people to make them go away.