Are you Okay?

Thats all I've been hearing lately, Are you Okay? Is it bad to lie? Lying to what, them or yourself? I seriously don't know if I'm okay, or if I'm even just okay. Give me a definition of okay, cuz I bet I'm way down under. My highest is as high as my knees. My smile its still there to have. My eyes still dry as the sahara desert, and my mind still in a rollercoaster of its own. I'm starting to seriously turn pale. Pale, from the top of my head, all the way down to my toes. Thats what I am from the outside. Think about how bad I feel from the inside. In the inside, I'm still laughing I'm still happy. Its just, I'm just sick. Well, thats my excuse or I haven't been feeling well, for me to deny to the question "Are you okay?" All I want to do is get better grades, have better days, start talking to people who are willing to listen. Maybe my voice is too soft for people to hear. I'm always talking, or well trying to yet no one listens. Maybe they don't see me open my mouth. Maybe nothing does come out. I think I am starting to really be quiet. Having those facial expressions, that just gives you a sense of how I'm feeling. Or always looking down and never looking up. Or not talking or answering anyone's quesitions. Pretending, acting like everything is okay. When everything is not..... I can't reaally say whats wrong, when I don't even know the answer myself. I know I'm doing this to myself, I know it is all my fault. But there is a reason why, and it may be a dumb reason to others but maybe its a dumb reason because my shoes are already filled with stress, tears, blood, and question marks. This purple room, where my computer lies, where my smile takes a 180 turn, where I can dress, undress. Where I can dance, eat, sleep, rest, think, stargaze, organize, being in motion. This purple room, starts to grow smaller and smaller. Where I remember in 6th grade, when I got bullied, hated on, picked on, talked about, all that bull.. where they made a screen name "erikalivesinabox" or something like that? I guess its starting to grow into that feeling. Honestly, I'm stuck.



I'm Okay.