It was a Mistake,

a mistake well known. I haven't quite figured out my life yet, so I took it out on the only person who i knew I was going to spend my whole life with. And now, I can't forgive myself just like that to get back.

Friday, Oct. 17. It was homecoming game. It wasn't even that cold that everyone tells you to wear something warm. The love of my life came again. All the things he does for me, I can never repay him. He spends so much cha-ching on me. Just to see me constantly. Camera-whoreing at the game was wonderful. Us Sophomores, we're not cheaters we're just spirited don't hate. Saw everyone who I met, nice meeting everyone once again. It was the hugs, and all the clothes I've recieved. And a new accessory to my life, his teal beanie, ftw.

Saturday, Oct. 18. Homecoming dance, it was my first dance and boy was I excited. Though lots of things didn't plan out the way it was suppose to be, but at the end of the night it was better. So my boyfriend came around eleven in the morning. We talked, and laughed and gave him a tour of my house. We watched movies, ate rocky road, and laughed at my old videos from last year. Then francis came, me cut his hair. I cut jansen's hair too. Wow. Then i took a shower, while he tried out his stuff. Later on, we got ready. Then the love couple in blue, Jonathan and Amery arrived. Boy does my mom love jonathan. We went to the dance, and it was freeeeeezing cold. Took so many pictures, thanks Kevin Miranda and Francis Cuanan for the photographers for the night. The group picure led to thirty eight heads, and we were very colorful. Dancing, Migrating, freaking, getting caught, pictures, stars, singing, smiling, wishing, holding, hugging, loving. The music wasn't so great but the people were. Denny's afterwards. My boyfriend left early =/ but it was okay. We spent the whole day together.

Now, where everything falls. yesterday I wasn't feeling well. I was feeling like shit. and today, i feel even more of a jerk than i've already been to you. My heart stopped dropped, and disapppeared all at once today. I said Goodbye, I said no more, I said i was done. I didn't know what I was saying, but my mind just kept on going. I wanted to take it back but how can i. Then all these feelings rushed through my mind, and it hurt. it hurt hearing you. Hearing you careless voice, hearing that what fight. What fight are you proposing when I don't see you fighting for anything. You still let me do it. So i did. And i went to sleep with tears flooding my eyes. Woke up with a pool of water on my pillow from where my eyes and the frabic met. I thought to myself wow i broke up with the only thing keeping me better. keeping me happy. Maybe this is for the best. I'm still, thinking. I still need to wait. I do not know. I'm still in love.

To Jansen,
I'm such a handful, i'm selfish and i'm a mouthful of crap. I give no desire to hurt you anymore. You do so much for me. More than I deserve. Your my heart, my voice, my smile, more things. You were the skin beneath my skin. And someone who never let me down. I know i always need you. I know you cant always be with me. And it hurts me more, my selfishness. i still can't be independent. Always depending on you to be there for me. Always depending for you to make my day. And now, i lost you all at one breath. I know I want you too andI need you to. But deep down, i think this is best for us right now. I just need time. I still.... love you. I take naps during the afternoon now, so I don't have to see the sunset....

I still promise.